In Building Agreement: Using Emotions as You Negotiate, Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro argue that successful negotiations are not just about logic and facts but also about emotions. They provide a framework for understanding and managing emotions to build agreement, reduce resistance, and create mutually beneficial outcomes. The book is particularly useful in workplace conflict resolution, leadership negotiations, and everyday interpersonal interactions.
The Role of Emotions in Negotiation
Many people assume that negotiations should be purely rational, focusing on data, logic, and persuasion. However, Fisher and Shapiro emphasise that emotions deeply influence decision-making. Ignoring emotions can lead to miscommunication, resistance, and impasse, while recognising and addressing them can build trust and cooperation.
The authors introduce five core emotional concerns that impact every negotiation:
- Appreciation – Feeling valued and understood.
- Affiliation – Feeling connected rather than isolated.
- Autonomy – Feeling in control of decisions.
- Status – Feeling respected and acknowledged.
- Role – Having a meaningful and fulfilling role.
By addressing these emotional concerns, negotiators can reduce hostility and increase the likelihood of reaching an agreement.
Applying the Five Core Emotional Concerns
- Show Appreciation
- People want to feel heard and understood. Acknowledge their perspective, even if you disagree.
- Listen actively and avoid dismissing or ignoring concerns.
- Example: Instead of saying, “That’s not important,” try, “I see why that matters to you.”
- Build Affiliation
- Create a sense of connection rather than treating the negotiation as a battle.
- Find common ground and shared interests to establish rapport.
- Example: If negotiating a workplace dispute, highlight shared goals such as company success rather than focusing on individual disagreements.
- Respect Autonomy
- Avoid imposing decisions. Instead, involve the other party in shaping the solution.
- Provide choices and acknowledge their ability to decide for themselves.
- Example: Instead of saying, “You must do this,” say, “Here are some options—what do you think works best?”
- Acknowledge Status
- Recognise the other person’s contributions, expertise, or experience.
- Even if there’s a power imbalance, showing respect can prevent resentment.
- Example: A manager negotiating with an employee should acknowledge their hard work rather than focusing solely on problems.
- Clarify Role
- Ensure that people feel their role is meaningful and that their contributions matter.
- If someone feels undervalued, their resistance will increase.
- Example: During team negotiations, clarify how each member’s role contributes to overall success.
Practical Strategies for Emotionally Intelligent Negotiation
- Stay Curious, Not Defensive: When facing resistance, ask open-ended questions rather than reacting emotionally.
- Reframe Negative Emotions: If someone is angry, recognise their frustration and redirect the conversation toward solutions.
- Use Nonverbal Communication: Tone, body language, and facial expressions can influence the emotional tone of negotiations.
- Find Shared Purpose: Align interests to shift from confrontation to collaboration.
Building Agreement teaches that emotions are not obstacles in negotiation—they are tools that can help build agreement. By addressing emotional concerns with empathy and respect, negotiators can create lasting, mutually beneficial solutions rather than short-term compromises. Whether in business, leadership, or everyday interactions, understanding emotions can transform conflicts into opportunities for collaboration.
The key takeaways from this book
Emotions Are Central to Negotiation
- People make decisions based on emotions as much as logic. Ignoring emotions can lead to resistance, while addressing them can build trust and cooperation.
The Five Core Emotional Concerns Shape Outcomes
- Negotiations are influenced by five key emotional factors: Appreciation, Affiliation, Autonomy, Status, and Role. Recognising and addressing these concerns can help de-escalate conflicts and foster productive discussions.
Appreciation and Respect Build Agreement
- Showing genuine appreciation for others' perspectives and contributions reduces defensiveness and increases openness to solutions. Even when disagreements arise, acknowledging the other person’s feelings and efforts is crucial.
Collaboration Works Better Than Control
- People resist being forced into decisions. Providing choices and involving them in problem-solving respects their autonomy, leading to greater commitment and better outcomes.
Emotional Intelligence Is a Powerful Negotiation Tool
- Effective negotiators use curiosity, active listening, and empathy to manage emotions. Reframing conflicts as shared challenges and maintaining a calm, solution-focused approach leads to more successful resolutions.
