Permission to Feel

In Permission to Feel, Marc Brackett, a leading expert in the field of emotional intelligence, argues for the importance of emotional awareness and regulation in creating a healthier, more successful society. Through his personal journey and extensive research, Brackett demonstrates how emotions are often misunderstood, dismissed, or repressed, and how this leads to detrimental effects on mental health, relationships, and productivity. He makes a compelling case for why giving ourselves "permission to feel" and teaching others to do the same is essential for individual well-being and societal progress.

Brackett starts by acknowledging that, for many people, emotions are seen as disruptive or unimportant. Society often encourages individuals to suppress their feelings, leading to emotional illiteracy, which contributes to stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout. Instead, Brackett emphasises that emotions are integral to decision-making, problem-solving, and relationship-building. He suggests that emotional experiences are not only normal but also essential for achieving personal growth, connection, and well-being.

A central concept in the book is the RULER framework, which Brackett developed as a way to teach emotional intelligence. RULER stands for:

• Recognising emotions – the ability to identify emotions in yourself and others.
• Understanding the causes and consequences – understanding what triggers emotions and how they influence behaviour.
• Labelling emotions accurately – being able to pinpoint the exact emotions you are experiencing, which allows for better processing.
• Expressing emotions appropriately – learning how to express emotions in a constructive way.
• Regulating emotions – using strategies to manage emotions, especially in challenging situations.

Brackett stresses that these skills should be cultivated not just by individuals but within families, schools, and workplaces to foster environments where emotions are seen as a strength rather than a hindrance.

The book highlights that developing emotional intelligence leads to better mental health, stronger relationships, and higher levels of achievement. Brackett draws on research and real-world examples to show how emotional awareness can positively affect a variety of outcomes, such as academic success, work performance, and personal well-being. He provides practical advice for cultivating emotional intelligence, including mindfulness practices, empathy-building exercises, and techniques for emotional regulation.

Brackett also acknowledges that negative emotions are part of the human experience and should not be avoided or suppressed. Instead, they should be understood and managed in healthy ways. He provides strategies for dealing with difficult emotions like anger, sadness, and frustration, teaching readers how to recognise the value in all emotions, even those we often view as unpleasant.

In addition to advocating for personal emotional intelligence, Brackett stresses the importance of teaching emotional skills in schools and workplaces. He points out that emotional intelligence is a key predictor of success in all areas of life, and developing these skills early on can have long-lasting positive effects. He highlights the success of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, which has implemented the RULER framework in schools, showing significant improvements in students' emotional awareness, academic performance, and behaviour.

Permission to Feel is an insightful and compassionate guide that empowers readers to embrace their emotions as valuable tools for growth and connection. Marc Brackett’s research-based approach provides a compelling case for the importance of emotional literacy and offers practical strategies to develop emotional intelligence in individuals and communities. Ultimately, Brackett argues that by giving ourselves and others permission to feel, we can create a more compassionate, resilient, and thriving society.

The key takeaways from this book

Emotions Are Essential for Success and Well-being
Marc Brackett argues that emotions play a crucial role in decision-making, problem-solving, relationships, and mental health. Rather than being disruptive or unimportant, emotions are valuable tools that guide our actions and contribute to personal and collective success.

The RULER Framework for Emotional Intelligence
The RULER framework is a core concept in the book. It stands for Recognising emotions, Understanding their causes and consequences, Labelling them accurately, Expressing them appropriately, and Regulating them. This framework serves as a guide for developing emotional intelligence, which Brackett suggests is key to thriving in life.

Emotional Literacy Can Be Taught
Brackett explains that emotional intelligence is not an innate trait but a skill that can be developed. By teaching people, especially children, to recognise and manage their emotions, we can foster better mental health, improve academic performance, and enhance overall well-being.

Negative Emotions Should Not Be Suppressed
The book highlights that negative emotions such as anger, sadness, and fear are natural and valuable. Instead of suppressing these feelings, we should learn to understand and regulate them. Each emotion provides useful information about ourselves and our environment.

Emotional Intelligence Can Improve Communities and Workplaces
Brackett stresses the importance of incorporating emotional intelligence into schools, workplaces, and society at large. By adopting the RULER framework in educational and professional settings, individuals can create more supportive, empathetic environments, leading to stronger relationships and improved performance.